I have been thinking often of the need for hope.
There is a rebel in each person--for hope is a defiance--that seeks to change the circumstances it finds itself in, for one reason or another. But it is always met with hesitation. Because within each of us there too is a small but convincing creature filled with fear. This creature’s greatest enemy is change. It will ask the rebel if the present situation is really bad enough that it outweighs the burden of accepting responsibility for the unknown. That is where we find ourselves in tension: wondering if freedom is really such a good thing. Such tension is healthy; it is a sign of the understanding that all things have weight. But what this creature within you cannot understand is that we are not solely responsible for the change we see. Time does not stop so that you may decide what is in your best interest. I believe it is there that hope must gain a foothold. There is an urgency to life. Hope feeds on this fluency--because at some point downstream, the river carves its own path away from divulgence. The rebel knows this; the creature does not. So it is important to listen to that rebel when it stands to fight. Even if it all falls apart, and you end up worse than before, you did something. And we only have a short time to do something.
“Still, there is no harm in waiting. Wait a few years until the war has died down and they are no longer hunting mages for conscription. You might suffer less that way.”
“Sir, I have not seen all that you have seen, nor done any of what you have done, but I do not think I can agree. There is harm in waiting. Lives may be spared by my hand. I am scared, for I do not know what awaits me beyond this life I have set apart for myself. I fear it could be my own death. But I am also scared that I will be rent from the inside out knowing that I was given a choice and I chose not to choose. Or that I chose what was most convenient for me, at the expense of an unknown cost. I cannot sit on the fence for such a decision as this. Surely it is the same feeling you had nine years ago. And you chose--that is why you are a hero.”
“I am no... I acted selfishly then. Perhaps it is why I no longer have the power to choose. I do not think you will find my further counsel helpful in this matter. I am a poor example, then and now. I wish you good luck and safety, here or in Freeholm.”